Sleepless
by heartofrhetoric
Summary: Frustrated and hurting, Shuichi leaves Yuki to start over. Will Yuki come to his senses and bring Shu back, or will his stubborn pride get in the way of true love? New chapter up. Little bit of Lime.
1. Prologue

Yeah! My first story! (At least the prologue to my first story). I know it's kind of short but it's just the prologue- the chapters will be longer!

Oh, and _please_ review! Constructive criticism welcomed, as are claims of undying love and loyalty. XP

Disclaimer:

I own everything! Everything!

gets smacked my Yuki

Fine! I… I don't own any of it!

sobs

**Prologue:**

It had been six months. February to July. He did the math again, but got the same answer. Except that couldn't be right because it felt like _so much longer_.

But it was. Six months since he left Japan. Six months since he left Yuki. Six months of crying himself to sleep, writing lyrics meant for no one but himself (Bad Luck was on temporary hiatus), of tears, pain, sorrow- six months since he was whole because without Yuki how could he be _Shuichi_?

He rolled over again, willing the thoughts away. He really should sleep or he'd be useless at work tomorrow, and he most certainly did not want to get fired. He needed that job. Not for the money (thanks to a highly successful singing career he was probably set for life), but for the time it wasted, because time meant thinking, and thinking meant memories, and memories meant Yuki, and that _hurt_.

Funny, he never was one for over-thinking things, preferred action, but lately his thoughts were all he had.

The alarm clock rang, harshly jolting him out of his thoughts. Another sleepless night. With a sigh he rolled himself out of bed and got ready for work.

--------------

Eiri Yuki did not need anyone. He knew the only person he could ever trust was himself. Therefore, Eiri Yuki most certainly did not miss people. Especially annoying pink-haired brats. So just why exactly was sitting around his apartment, glancing at a certain special picture on a certain special lighter, he simply could not fathom. Because Yuki. Needed. No one.

He closed the lid of his laptop. Didn't look like he'd get much writing done today either. Writers block. Writers block! For months- six months. Right after a certain special pop star walked out of his apartment and out of his life.

But that was just coincidence.

He sighed. At least he'd get something positive out of the whole frustrating experience, when his editor called again and he could tell her he still didn't have a single page written. That always was amusing.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Nope… still don't own it. But one day they will be mine! Bwahahahahahaha!

shifty eyes

Thanks to:

Flagger- My first reviewer and now my beta! Thankyouthankyouthankyou. Thank you.

ScreamAimAndFIRE-x- You inspired me to write faster- I blame you for my lack of sleep.

ryuchi-shuichi41- Thank you so much! Your review was wonderful!

tsubaki-dono- Sorry about the length of the prologue, I hope this is better, and the next chapter should be even longer. Not too many details in this chapter either, but I'll really get into it in the next one, now all the set up is out of the way. Thanks for your input!

Sleepless

Chapter 1:

Shuichi Shindou, lead singer of Bad Luck and pop star extraordinaire, was attempting to restack the once tidy pyramid of creamed corn. Many things had changed for Shuichi in the past six months, but his grace, or lack thereof, wasn't one of them.

_Baka. Baka. Baka_. (1) He repeated the word in his head, as he quickly repositioned the vegetable, hoping he could get it finished before his manager saw. Lack of sleep had taken its toll, and this was the third display he'd murdered since he'd started work- four hours ago. It was going to be a long day.

"Shuichi!" Nope, it was going to be a very, _very_ short day because he was _so_ about to get fired.

"H…hai?" He stammered, turning slowly, preparing himself for the impending doom.

"Did you knock something else over? You're completely useless! Is there anything you're actually good at, because I'm seriously beginning to doubt it!"

_Apologizing_, he thought. _I'm good at apologizing. I certainly have to do it enough._

"I'm so sorry sir." _Please don't fire me_.

"Sorry isn't good enough!"

He could feel the tears threatening, a slight burning behind his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.

"Just give me one more chance. I'll try harder, I promise." Why did he just stand there and take it? He didn't need this job. He could find another. His English was so much better than when he first came to America, he could probably find an even better one.

But as his manager gave a final threat and walked off in a huff, he knew he would not say anything, because standing up for himself was something Shuichi Shindou never did, and some things just don't change.

So he swallowed his pride, finished cleaning up, and promptly tripped into the tomatoes.

"… Kuso." (2)

* * *

Five games of computer Solitaire (which he won), and two games of chess (which he lost), Eiri Yuki was still no closer to writing (starting), his newest masterpiece. When Yuki told his editor of the latest delay, she had started yelling, then crying, then yelling again. But this only put him in a good mood for a couple of hours, and now he was back to brooding. Brooding. Not moping because he was a writer and writers brooded, damnit. 

Needless to say, the lighter was back in hand, picture in sight. Even though he definitely did not miss Shuichi, he always found himself gazing at his lovers face whenever he felt like brooding -_not_ moping.

He quickly shoved the lighter back into his pocket, disgusted with his sentimentality.

And took it back out again a few minutes later.

* * *

Shuichi spent the rest of his afternoon searching for a new job. He didn't exactly have the best of credentials, with little to no work experience, especially in America. And while lead singer in one of the most famous bands in Japan definitely counted as work experience, he couldn't exactly go around broadcasting his location. Even though Bad Luck was on hiatus and had not officially broken up, he was fairly certain Touma knew it really was, even if Hiro and Suguru refused to see it. He wasn't sure if Touma would knock him out and drag him back by force, or just kill him for his disobedience. Either way, he didn't want to find out. 

First he hit the local coffee shops. Since he lived in SoHo, and there were at least four on every corner, the process took him most of the afternoon. Dozens of applications later, he'd received several, "Don't call us, we'll call you," a few "Maybe," and one "Get out of my store _now_ before you knock something else over."

It was only after he'd given up on coffee and wandered into a small bookstore he crossed paths with fate. There, finally, when he knocked over a small rack of souvenirs, they told him he had to work there to pay it off. Not the typical method of getting a job, but Shuichi was anything but typical.

The bookstore was small, yet thriving, and carried not only new American releases, yet decent selection of imports. Shuichi scanned the bookshelves; he was supposed to familiarize himself with the layout before he started work the next day. Egypt, Russia, Italy, Japan. Japan! It had been so long since he'd read anything in his native language, and a wave of homesickness washed over him.

That's when he spotted the familiar kanji, written on the spine of a book. Yuki Eiri. Apparently the bookstore had a selection of the novelist's books. He recognized most of them, all of them, except one.

_That must be his new book. The one that came out right before I…_ He couldn't finish the sentence. _I never did get a chance to read it_.

He glanced at it again. He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. But he had to. Despite his lack of involvement in creating the books (Yuki usually made him leave the room whenever he was writing) he always made a point of reading them. He needed to understand what kept the romance novelist locked up, alone, for so many hours at a time, because the words were a part of his lover, and his lover a part of him.

And there it sat. The book he never read. The part of Yuki not yet his.

He picked it up, slowly, deliberately. Did he even want this piece of Yuki anymore? Hadn't they given up for good this time?

He needed to set it back down, and walk away. This could only create more agony, and hadn't he had enough of that? It was over between them. He had been the one to leave, so why couldn't he just accept it and move on already?

It was time to let go. He would put the stupid book down, and _just let go_.

But he didn't.

Instead, he pulled out his wallet and walked to the register.

* * *

"And why would I care that you're translating my novels to English? It's not as if I'll be doing the translating. Now get out of my apartment." 

"But this could be huge for you Yuki-sensei. And since you're not really writing anything right now, we need to do something to keep you in the public eye. That's why you're going to America. (She paused for a moment as Yuki glared). We'll hit all the big cities, do some book signings, a couple of news appearances- it'll be your biggest book promotion yet!" His eye twitched, annoyance building as he listened to Mizuki babble.

Yuki. Was. Not. Going. To. America.

"You are an editor, not a manager. Since, as you so _graciously_ pointed out, I have no new material for you to edit, there is no reason for you to be here."

Silence.

"So leave!"

That was when Mizuki matched his glare with one of her own, and said something surprisingly un-Mizuki. "Look, when you make money, I make money. And I've found a way to make us both a great deal of it. You're going to America." (3)

Yuki wondered where he could hide the body.

* * *

Shuichi entered his apartment with a quiet sigh. It had been a long day, and his feet hurt like hell. But that wasn't his real problem at the moment. No, that was still mocking him in its bag, now sitting on the kitchen table. 

He quickly walked into the bedroom, determined to ignore what he so stupidly purchased. Yet as he was brushing his teeth, preparing for bed, he discovered the novel had telekinetic powers.

It was still _mocking_ him.

But he was Shuichi Shindou, and would not let an inanimate object get the best of him.

Except it was still on his mind as he changed into pajamas, shut off the light, and crawled into bed, alone.

He closed his eyes, but apparently that just enraged the novel, because he started thinking of it even more.

But Shuichi refused to give into temptation, rolled over, and eventually went to sleep.

To be continued…

1- Baka means idiot.

2- I've most often heard "kuso" translated as "damn."

3- I love Mizuki! She's so quiet and polite, yet she can still get Yuki to do what she wants. You don't see her very often, only a couple of times in the manga, and even less in the anime, so her character isn't well developed. Therefore, I'll be doing some development myself, and I decided to give her a bit of a bold side. For some reason I really like the idea of someone that polite yelling at Yuki.

Author's notes:

OMG there's a plot! I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can. As always, _please_ review… you know you want to.


	3. Chapter 2

Greetings loyal fans! (And people that randomly clicked on the story). I present to thee, another chapter! After I write some thank yous…

Thanks to…

Flagger- My wonderful beta!

Lateralus-x- Without you my ego would be so much smaller. Thanks again!

sohma-kitty-10-14- Thanks for the tip. I'd seen "kuso" interpreted several ways, so I just picked what I'd most often seen as the translation. From now on I'll just write all of them.

Zorotierney- Wow, that was a really nice review. Thank you!

Aryna.Tahashi- Don't worry, I'll get to why they broke up, probably in the next chapter. I hint at it a _little_ bit in this one, but I'll post a whole explanation soon.

Sleepless

Chapter 2

The next morning found Shuichi much sooner than he had hoped, and while it felt as if he had not slept at all, at least he had, in fact, slept- something which was occurring all too infrequently lately.

He rolled over again, burying his head under his pillow, trying to ignore the incessant ringing of his alarm clock and just get _five more minutes_. But it was not to be, as the chiming only grew louder and more irritating. Reluctantly, he let the sound carry him into wakefulness- at least, as awake as he could be on a Monday morning.

As he slowly awakened his first coherent thought was of Yuki, as it always was. He pushed it aside quickly, though the action was still harder than it had any right to be. His second thought was of food. If that didn't get him up nothing else would.

So, he smacked the off button- no reason to be gentle with the evil beast- threw the covers off himself, and wandered into the kitchen in a Monday morning haze.

But he had forgotten about the book, still on the kitchen table, and now it was _smirking_ at him.

At first he just gave it the cold shoulder and went about fixing his breakfast- frosted flakes doused in extra sugar. But the book would not stop _staring_.

"Just leave me alone, I don't owe you anything and I certainly don't owe _him_ anything. I'm not reading you."

The novel remained silent, baiting him to say something more.

"Oh so that's how you want to play it!" He stood, anger rising. "I'll have you know …"

It was about this point in the conversation Shuichi realized he was arguing with an inanimate object. He ate the rest of his breakfast in silence, trying his hardest to ignore the novel.

* * *

Yuki wasn't angry. He was furious. Furious because Mizuki would not stop going on about that stupid trip to America. But he wasn't enraged about the constant talking-living so long with Shuichi had long since toned that down to simple annoyance. No, he was furious because her stupid annoying idea was starting to make sense. 

Damnit.

* * *

Hiroshi, a.k.a. Hiro, genius guitar player of Bad Luck, was also, apparently, a genius criminal mastermind. With the help of his lovely assistant Suguru, also desperate to get Bad Luck back underway (despite Shu's insistence it was defiantly over), was going to break into Tohma's office, search through his files, and somehow, _somehow_, escape with his life. 

While they were certain Shuichi was doing his best to keep a low profile, even depressed Shuichi was still painfully obvious Shuichi- they were fairly certain anonymity was a physical impossibility for him. Besides, Tohma was still Tohma, omniscient, all-powerful being, and behind those boyish looks and fluffy coat was a man with a habit of pushing people in front of cars (Hiro's last suspicion was unconfirmed, but entirely plausible). (1)

Their plan for a quick search backfired when they discovered the bottom right-hand drawer of his desk was locked. They wasted the next twenty minutes messing with the lock- neither of them actually had any lock-picking experience, and both were too stubborn to admit defeat. It was Hiro that spotted the glint of metal taped underneath the top drawer.

Removing it quickly, acutely aware of time slipping away, he slid it into the lock.

Turned.

A perfect match.

Hiro felt his heart speed up in anticipation. Finally. _Finally_. He opened the drawer quickly, peering in.

"What the hell?"

It took him a moment to register what he was seeing, and it was only when Suguru let out a small, choking sound, he realized his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. There, lying at the bottom of Tohma Seguchi's desk drawer, was a pile of gay porn. (2)

"What… How… Why?" he questioned, half expecting someone to jump out of the shadows yelling "Gotcha!"

Instead, Suguru made the choking noise again, and appeared to be having some sort of attack.

Then silence.

"We must never speak of this again."

Suguru nodded, still at a loss for words, and quickly closed the drawer.

Deciding they'd had enough trauma for one break in, enough to ensure extensive therapy, they stood up to leave.

It was then Hiro noticed Shuichi's file, laying open on top of Tohma's desk.

* * *

The next morning, Tohma entered his office to find Shuichi's file shifted, with the pages out of order. Satisfied his plan had worked, he replaced the file and got back to work. (3)

* * *

Finding the file and determining Shuichi's location was about as far as Hiro and Suguru had planned- neither of them had really believed A: their plan would actually work, or B: they would live long enough to implement the second part, because Tohma would most certainly find out and _kill_ them. 

So far neither of them had any real ideas, it's not as if they could just waltz in to Shuichi's apartment and just ask him to come back, nor could they drag him back by force. Neither plan had worked well the first time when Shuichi initially told them he was leaving, and they doubted a second try would yield better results.

So there they sat, looking out the window of their favorite diner, desperately hoping, rather unreasonably, that a brilliant second part to their brilliant plan would come to them.

That was when Mizuki walked in, talking rather loudly, to a certain stubborn writer about a certain special trip.

* * *

Shuichi spent his day getting comfortable with the store. A bouncy red head, "I've worked here for two years, I'm nineteen, I love romance novels, come on I'll show you how to work the register, where are you from, my name is Kristen!" had immediately attached herself to him, and by the end of the day he'd made a bouncy new friend. His first since he came to America. 

His first day actually turned out rather well, and he walked home feeling better than he had in months. Maybe this would work out after all. Maybe he really didn't need Yuki.

His good mood persisted, and he unlocked the door of his apartment, flipping on the switch by the door. As the lights flickered to life, they illuminated the source of his now annoyed demeanor.

The novel was still there.

He steeled himself, walking into the kitchen with every intention of simply throwing the stupid book in the garbage. He was done with this! He'd finally had one good day and here Yuki was, however indirectly, trying to ruin it.

He tried desperately to hold onto the anger, using it as a shield, but the moment he thought of destroying the book, throwing it away, the anger was replaced by indescribable sorrow. Unable to hold himself up against the weight of it, he collapsed into a chair.

_Yuki_.

Shuichi glanced at the novel again, defeated.

_Yuki_.

There, right there in that book would be Yuki's words, written on Yuki's time, time stolen from Shuichi when he so often locked himself away in that room, alone. The bitterness was back, but instead of chasing away the sorrow, replacing it, the pain only grew.

Suddenly, it was too much, it was just too much and_ oh god_ he missed Yuki. He knew he shouldn't but he did, he did.

Without conscious control, his hand reached out, opened the cover, turned the page. It was about to turn another page when his eyes switched on and saw the dedication.

_For the brat. My brat_.

Shuichi cried.

His small body wracked with sobs, grief threatening to break him, tearing apart his very being. He cried, as the sorrow became a tangible force, overwhelming, overflowing as it spilled forth from the depths of his soul. He cried because the one person he wanted never to hold him again, was the one person he so desperately needed to hold him now, and that was more than he could take.

_Yuki_.

To be continued...

1- Yes, _I_ know Tohma has, in fact, pushed people in front of cars, but _Hiro_ doesn't have any proof.

2- Why is it I have no trouble picturing this? I know he's technically married to a woman, but he does spend the entire series hitting on Yuki. Besides, he'd have to keep the man smut at work to make sure his wife didn't find it.

3- Because he's just that good.

A/N:

I've already started the next chapter, so it should be posted soon.

And remember, every time someone reviews my story, um, something about a kitten.


	4. Chapter 3

Hello again everyone! Thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews- I couldn't believe I got so many! I love you all!

Disclaimer- I don't own Gravitation; it belongs to Maki Murakami. I do own Kristen and Rick, and now I also own a copy of the next volume of the DNAngel manga. Squee!

Thanks to…

Flagger- As always, thank you so much for bring my beta!

sohma-kitty-10-14- I'm so flattered someone wants to use my phrase. I hope one day all the world will call it man smut. Join me in my noble quest!

Earthlight- Hey you're right- everyone is coming to America! How did that happen?

Estelle Stafford- Thank you! I was hoping the comedy wouldn't get in the way of the angst and change the story too much.

ryuchi-shuichi41- Yeah, I hate it when my email goes spastic. I feel your pain! Thank you so much for the review. Multiple reviews make me feel so loved… (cries).

Em-chan 01- Thank you so much!

Jade-t9- Hooked? Good! You can never escape now! Bwahahaha!

Zorotierney- I always wanted my writing to be someone's drug of choice…

T.O.C.A- I love it! From now on I shall always refer to it as "Tohma's Drawer of Porn"

Frostic54- I'm glad you liked it. I was worried it would get in the way of the angst.

kai21- (blushes) Thank you so much, that was a _really_ nice review.

Aryna.Tahashi- Yeah, Tohma just has something about him that just screams, "I have a secret stash of man smut!"

Lateralus-x- My ego thanks you. As usual, your review makes my day.

X.xMeiko-samax.X- Yes! You always know someone likes your writing when they throw in some sugar on top.

anna- Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Gasanechi- Bwahahahahahaha! I mean… maybe.

On to the story!

Sleepless

Chapter 3

This was getting ridiculous. Yuki Eiri had not been able to type anything remotely coherent in more than six long months. Why? Because he didn't have a stupid brat to throw out of the house. Because said brat wasn't there to mercilessly annoy him with useless chatter. But it was the annoying, useless chatter he actually missed.

For the first few months he had been able to ignore the pain, pretend he didn't care. That's what he did best, after all. But as each day passed he found the pain growing, becoming harder to ignore.

He glanced at the lighter again, picture ever present.

_I miss him_.

They were only three words, three simple syllables, but it had taken him more than six months to admit. The notion itself frightened him, but what came next scared him even more.

_I need him_.

It came out unbidden, without conscious control. He rejected the idea immediately. He didn't need anyone.

"I don't need anyone!" he called into the silence, as if vocalizing it would make it true.

Unsatisfied with the denial but unwilling to continue along this dangerous train of thought, he returned to staring at his computer.

* * *

Shuichi awoke on the kitchen table, emotionally drained and physically exhausted. He forced his bleary eyes to focus on the clock- four in the morning, meaning he'd had, at most, two hours of fitful sleep. 

He lay his head back down on the tabletop, lacking the will to move to the bedroom, hoping he could just fall back to sleep.

Sleep never came. Just memories, then tears, then thoughts, then tears again. It was his alarm clock ringing in the other room that finally broke the cycle, bringing him from the murky awareness of his depressed musings- not quite asleep, not quite awake. He briefly considered just calling in sick, but after only two weeks on the job he didn't consider it long. Painfully removing his body from the uncomfortable kitchen chair, he dragged himself into the bedroom to get dressed.

He skipped breakfast that morning, probably the first time he'd ever done so, but the emotions were playing games with his stomach, and he was certain if he ate anything it wouldn't stay eaten for long.

Forgoing the bus he thought is best to walk to work, it would both save money, and, more importantly, help to clear his head, which desperately needed clearing of the many images of Yuki currently filling it.

_Yuki_.

* * *

"Get away from me you evil bitch! I can't believe you just… What are you doing to my laptop!?" 

"Packing it for your trip to America. We're leaving tomorrow and you haven't packed a thing." Mizuki stated simply, continuing to cram Yuki's belongings into the overflowing suitcase on his bed. "Oh no. Please don't ever wear this orange vest Yuki-sensei. It would look horrible on you, and I don't think you could ever recover your mysterious writer image."

"That's because it's Shuichi's," he growled, grabbing the vest, thinking of the many ways he could kill her with it. Strangling, smothering…

"Thank God. It's amazing how he can wear things like this and still look great. You're more limited in what you can wear."

He could gag her with it and throw her out the window…

"Wow," she sifted through his closet, throwing random articles in the bed, the rest on the floor. "You still have a lot of Shuichi's clothes in here. It's been six months. What, are you still waiting for him to come…?" She realized exactly what she'd said when she saw a look on Yuki's face she had never seen before, never imagined she would be seeing now. The great Yuki Eiri, the cold hearted bastard that never cared about anyone but himself, was close to tears.

"Oh my God Yuki, I didn't mean to…"

"Get out." His voice was weak, she could barely hear it, and that scared her even more. "_Hiro was right"_, she thought, "_he really does love him. I never thought it possible._"

"Get out!" His voice rose this time, anger laced with pain. He embraced the anger, latched onto the familiar feeling, as he always did.

"Yuki I…"

"Now!"

So she left him there, regretting her words. As she climbed into her car she pulled out her cell phone.

"Hiro? It's Mizuki… I'll help you."

After Mizuki was gone, Yuki began picking up his lovers clothes of the floor of their bedroom.

Yes, he had kept Shuichi's things exactly as he had left them, half expecting his lover to return as he always did. Only this time, he hadn't. This time he'd stayed gone, just as he said he would.

"_Why, Yuki? Why?"_

_It hasn't been anything out of the ordinary that triggered the fight, perhaps that was the problem, that the way he'd treated Shuichi, ignored him, had become ordinary._

_"It's our anniversary and all you do is lock yourself in your room and write!_

He smoothed out each piece of clothing, replacing it in Shu's half of the closet with care.

_"Yuki! Answer me! Yuki!"_

_He pounded on the door again, louder this time._

_"Go away brat! I'm working!" he called through the door, never glancing up, his writing never slowing._

_"Damn it Yuki! Do you even care?"_

_"Shut up! I'm trying to concentrate!" He had a deadline to meet. They could do something later._

_But there was no later. Just a note._

_Dear Yuki,_

_I love you so much, but I'm sick of being the only one in this relationship that cares. I know you love me. I hope you love me. All I ask is that for just this once, you're the one to make the effort to keep this relationship going. I'll be at Hiro's. Please come get me Yuki, please come after me and make me come home, because I'm not coming back on my own this time._

_I love you,_

_Shuichi_

_But he didn't believe him. No need to worry, he always came back. Only this time he didn't._

_A week passed._

_Two._

_Every day that went by he grew increasingly worried. Each moment that passed was lonely, empty. Still, he did not follow Shuichi. His pride would not let him. Shuichi would cave first. He always caved first._

_It was on the third week he came home to find a note taped to the door, written in Shuichi's familiar scrawl._

_Yuki,_

_I quit Bad Luck and I've decided to leave Japan. Don't bother trying to find me, not that you care anyway._

_Shuichi_

_Yuki stood outside his door in the biting winter cold, unable to think. Finally, as the shock wore off, bitter wind dragging him out of his reverie, he uttered the four words he never thought he'd say. "He didn't come back."_

Yuki dropped the shirt he was holding as the memories overtook him, overwhelmed him. For the second time since Kitazawa's death, Yuki cried. (1)

* * *

"Shuichi! Arigato!" Kristen yelled as soon as Shuichi walked into work, glomping him. 

"What?"

"Arigato! It means good morning in Japanese!"

"Actually it means 'thank you.'"

"… No it doesn't! Are you sure?'"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

As Kristen left to check her Japanese-to-English dictionary, Shuichi walked over to the counter to grab is nametag and scold Rick.

"You really need to stop telling her things like that. If she ever does go to Japan, she's going to be really confused."

Rick laughed his deep, rich baritone. "But it's so much fun," he mock pouted.

"I wonder why she's trying to learn Japanese anyway."

"Isn't it obvious? She has a crush on you."

To Shuichi, who quite frequently missed the obvious, this came as quite a shock.

"But I like guys," he blurted, lacking the vernacular.

"You're gay?" Rick asked, putting on a seductive smile, leaning in closer.

Shuichi took a step back, not liking where the conversation was going. Sure it had been six months, but how could he even consider dating anyone else when he still called Yuki his lover, still thought of that apartment back in Japan as home.

Rick, unaware of Shuichi's inner turmoil, interpreted his silence as a yes.

"So do you want to go out some time? Maybe catch a movie?"

Shuichi knew he should have said no, that he would only be using him to fill a void that would never, could never, be filled again, a temporary salve on his still bleeding soul to try to numb the pain.

He wanted Yuki. But Yuki had never wanted him, never needed him the way Shuichi craved for the author with every breath, every thought, every tear.

And so, it was because he still loved Yuki he told him yes.

To be continued...

* * *

1- Gah! What am I doing to them!? 

(begins crying hysterically)

I'm so sorry Yuki!

A/N:

PLEASE READ!

It's finished! The reason Shuichi and Yuki broke up! Hope I didn't disappoint those that wanted Yuki to have cheated, but I gave it a great deal of thought, and determined if Shuichi really did leave Yuki, this was the most likely scenario. Plus, I wanted to try something different from the other stories I'd read. This also gives them both the opportunity to work on their biggest relationship flaws: Shuichi is too forgiving and rarely stands up for himself, and Yuki needs to warm up more. I've read a lot of really great stories in which Yuki did cheat, but it just didn't feel right for this one.

As always, please review. Since bribing people with good kitten karma seemed to work last time, this time I'll throw in a puppy too.


	5. Chapter 4

I'm back! Sorry this took so long, but my grandmother died so things have been kind of crazy lately. As always, thanks to my wonderful reviewers. You have no idea how much your kind words mean to me.

Flagger- I am withholding my thank you until you write more of your story. Take that!

Zorotierney- I thank you and the puppies thank you. It's nice to know someone else shares my opinion about Yuki cheating (not that I don't love a good Yuki-cheated-now-he-must-grovel story).

Gasanechi- Ah yes, Yuki angst is so much fun…

Em-chan 01- I know! I feel so bad for doing this to them, but really does need to learn his lesson.

ryuchi-shuichi41- Gah! Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a good online Swedish Translator? So far I still haven't been able to find out what the hell "pävitettäva" means. (cries) But I will succeed! (goes back to searching). P.S. I love you.

morot- Yay! Thank you so much!

T.O.C.A- "Bad Yuki!" I love it! (BTW what does T.O.C.A. stand for?)

X.xMeiko-samax.X- Cliff hangers- a writers best friend! Bwahaha! (Even though I hate them when I'm reading someone else's fic)

DarkMetalAngel of Destruction- You'll have to wait and see… Bwahahahaha… ha.

animegurl088- Thank you! Thank you!

buchouslvr- That was so nice! (does happy dance)

Masami half dog demon- I know! I can't believe I'm being so mean to them! Poor Yuki! (begins crying hysterically)

Disclaimer- Too tired to come up with something creative. Maki Murakami owns Gravitation, not me.

Sleepless:  
Chapter 4

Kristen spent the rest of the day pouting. Needless to say, once she found out Shuichi would be dating Nick she ditched her Japanese-to-English dictionary and spent the rest of her shift moping behind the counter. She actually burst into tears when she had to ring up a Japanese novel, screaming to the customer about how all the good ones were gay and didn't he know they would be so perfect together and she was pretty sure "arigato" really didn't mean good morning and that just made her cry harder.

Then, when the customer, unsure of how to deal with a crazy, sobbing teenage girl tried to make her feel better by telling her it was actually _Chinese_, she tried to throw the book at him.

For obvious reasons, Shuichi had the worst headache of his life. And his day wasn't over yet. It was at the end of his shift, when he was cleaning up the counter and about to lock the door when Kristen came bouncing over, screaming about recognition for the store and really hot authors.

"So what do you think?" She asked him, acknowledging his existence for the first time since she discovered he was gay.

"About what?"

Rick interrupted her answer with a question of his own. "I thought you weren't speaking to him. What made you change your mind?"

Instead of acknowledging his presence, she simply turned to Shuichi and said, "Could you please inform Rick that I could never be mad at you, especially not for being gay, (hot!), and that I am no longer speaking to _him_ because he's a jerk and every time I want something he always has to take it from me."

"Always take what from you? When have I ever 'stolen' anything of yours?"

Kristen thought for a few seconds before simply saying, "Tell Rick that if he doesn't know already, I'm not telling him!"

"Damn it! This is why I'm gay!" (1) In an overly dramatic gesture Rick stalked off, Kristen humphed, and, for probably the first time in his life, Shuichi was the least dramatic person in the room. At least, until he tripped over the sale sign and fell screaming into the counter. After knocking himself out for several minutes, Rick insisted he drive him home. Shuichi would have protested, but he could barely stand up at the moment, let alone walk all the way back to his apartment. Kristen, of course, decided she would have to come as well. After all, who else was going to protect his honor? Shuichi didn't have the heart (or the energy at the moment) to tell her he'd lost his "honor" a long time ago on the floor of Yuki's apartment. (2)

Half an hour later found a rather woozy ex pop star trying to climb the stairs up to his residence with the help of two rather disgruntled co-workers. Try as he might Shuichi really wasn't much help, and the already rather awkward situation was made even worse when Kristen decided not only did she not wish to speak to Rick, but she wasn't going any nearer to him than necessary. When she drew an imaginary line and told Shu to tell Rick to just stay on _his_ half of Shuichi, he knew he wouldn't be getting into his apartment any time soon.

* * *

_Flight 172 to China, departing at Gate 11. Flight 172 at Gate 11._

"Hiro, hurry up! We still have to go through the security check and we've only got an hour and a half until the plane takes off!"

Hiro stumbled in the general direction he thought he'd heard Suguru's voice from. He'd been up since two in the morning to make a six o'clock flight, and although they would make it to the gate with an obscene amount of time to spare and he had only been permitted a mere two hours of sleep, it was still easier to just go along with his band- mate's obsessive compulsive need to not just be on time, but freakishly early. It was times like this he really missed Shuichi.

"Come on! We can't miss this flight because Yuki and Mizuki will be on the next, and we can't let Yuki know we're following him."

Ignoring the rant, Hiro focused upon the location of the voice once more, adjusting his course accordingly.

"It's early, so the line to the baggage check should be moving fairly quickly, but I've padded our schedule with a half hour buffer just in case. Actually… Hiro? Hiro! Where are you going? That's the wrong way! Hiro!"

* * *

By the time they made it inside, Kristen had temporarily suspended her communication embargo with Rick because Shuichi really didn't feel much like talking at the moment, and she had no one else with whom to talk. When they finally started speaking to each other again proceedings went much smoother, and Shuichi was promptly deposited on the couch as Kristen went into the kitchen to make tea. 

"Wow, Shuichi, you really need to go shopping. All you have is Ramen and Pocky. I've never even heard of that stuff before, but you sure do have a lot of it."

"Strawberry Pocky," he clarified when she returned to the living room. "It's my favorite food."

"Should've known," Rick replied with a kind smile. "You have pink hair."

"Tea should be ready in a minute."

Head pounding, Shu closed his eyes, exhausted.

"Oh, no you don't," Kristen scolded. "You've probably got a concussion, so you can't go to sleep for at least twenty four hours. I already called my brother Liam and told him to come here. He's a doctor."

"Twenty four hours! But I hardly slept at all last night! I can't stay awake that long!"

"It won't be so bad. Rick and I will stay up all night with you. Oh my God! We can make 'smores!" Rick rolled his eyes and Shuichi just looked at her blankly.

"What's 'smores?"

With a gasp of horror at his ignorance, Kristen launched into her explanation of the delicious treat.

Shuichi didn't like Kristen's brother. He'd seemed like a nice enough man in the beginning- nice smile, mid-twenties, fairly good looking- but Shu had quickly learned this was all just a ruse cleverly designed to lull him into a false sense of security. Soon after the initial introductions, Liam had proceeded to mercilessly torture him, shining an evil bright light into his eyes, then poking at his head and asking if it hurt. He'd smacked it into a counter. Of course it hurt! Now would you please stop_ poking at it_?

When whining didn't get him anywhere he tried pleading for mercy, but with the exception of a few winces in sympathy this tactic didn't work well either. In the end, he resigned himself to quiet pouting with the occasional glare.

"You're lucky. It doesn't look like a concussion, but you're definitely going to have a nasty bruise."

Shuichi's pout shifted immediately into a look of hope. "Does that mean I won't have to stay up all night?"

Liam couldn't help but smile a little at Shuichi's sudden change in mood. "No, you don't. All you need is ice for the swelling and a little time to heal. I'd recommend you get some sleep- you look like you could use it."

Shuichi nodded in agreement. "Thanks."

"Arigato!" Kristen shouted, smiling. "That means thanks." She glared pointedly at Rick. "Not good morning."

* * *

_Yuki glanced at the clock, not really surprised to find it was already one in the morning. "Just let me finish this page" had turned into "just let me finish this chapter" to "why not just finish this section." Shutting off his laptop he walked quietly to the door, and was surprised to find Shuichi sleeping on the floor outside his study, waiting._

_"Shu, wake up." He nudged the sleeping baka gently, then harder when he refused to stir._

_"Yuki," he mumbled, slowly waking up. "What time is it?"_

_But Yuki wasn't listening- he was watching. Watching as Shuichi's Amethyst eyes blinked slowly open, as a yawn fell upon his lips._

_Then, suddenly, he wasn't watching anymore. He was kissing and tasting- loving the only way he knew how._

_Shu started in surprise, still not fully awake until Yuki slowly slid his tongue into his mouth, deepening the kiss as Shuichi moaned beneath him, tongues embracing, speaking what words could not._

_Yuki broke the kiss, gasping for breath. Shu whimpered at the loss, then gasped when Yuki's lips found his neck, nipping and sucking for a moment, then moving lower, tracing a trail with his tongue._

_"You don't really care about me, do you?"_

_Yuki pulled back in surprise, startled at venom lacing his lover's sweet voice._

_"All I ever wanted was to know how cared about me, even a little. I begged you to come get me, I fucking _begged_ you."_

_"Shuichi I…" He tried to say something, anything, but the words would not come. Instead, he just sat there like the idiot he was, doing nothing as the only person he cared about sobbed his pain alone._

Yuki awoke in his bedroom, the light shining under the curtains replacing the dark confines of the hall, the sound of the alarm clock instead of his lover's sobs.

He rolled over, facing the empty other half of the bed where the other half of him once lay.

_I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Shuichi._

* * *

1- No offence to women intended- I'm a girl too. Just thought it was something Rick would say at a time like that. 

2- Seriously! Check the manga!

* * *

A/N: 

I've included in my profile updates about my progress for each chapter of Sleepless. This way I can let you know when I plan on posting the next chapter, and if there are any unexpected delays.

SUPPORT THE YAOI- REVIEW! (Please).


	6. Chapter 5

Okay! Time for another chapter! High School's over (FOREVER!) and I'm back from my trip so I'll cram as much writing in as I can before college starts, at which point I'll be… cramming as much writing in as I can. Huh… that wasn't as big of an announcement as I thought it would be…

Disclaimer: Maki Murakami owns Gravitation, and all characters affiliated with it. I own all the OC's. Somehow I feel like I got stuck with the short end of the stick.

Thank you to…

Flagger: My beta! As always, thank you so much.

And to all my wonderful reviewers…

Zorotierney- I thank you and the yaoi thanks you!

X.xMeiko-samax.X- Thank you! And don't worry, I plan to have Yuki and Shu meet again very soon, if not next chapter than definitely the one after that (although this story does tend to take on a life of it's own)

FFirst2L- Thank you so much!

Earthlight- You like my OC's? glomps

sayuri-girl- Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

ryuchi-shuichi41- Finnish! Finnish? That would explain why I had so much trouble. I just looked in your profile and saw how you mentioned the Swedish version of FAKE (yeah Dee/Ryo) and I just assumed. Okay, so after a LOT of online searching, I think RAKASTAN TÄTÄ (if tata is a variation of tama) means "love this." looks triumphant Did I get it?

They Call me Baka- Thank you so much!

Em-chan 01- The updating soon didn't work out as I expected, but I'll definitely post the next one faster.

Francesca Akira89- Next chapter, as promised. I'll try to get the next one out faster.

intellgent-one- THANK YOU!

T.O.C.A- Yay for Yuki!Angst

Noonsam- Thank you! It's great to hear feedback on my OC's. They were supposed to have really small roles but they've taken on a life of their own

IsolinaBlack- I know! I can't believe I'm being so mean to them! And I'm enjoying it way more than I should…

half-goddess-Katia- Thank you so much! Yes, the confrontation is coming soon…

ShojoNoHiSora- Yes, poor Shu… Thank you for the review!

Chapter 5

Sleepless

Shuichi walked slowly through the streets of SoHo, wincing at every loud noise that made his head throb. He'd awoken with the worst headache of his life, except perhaps the time K shot him in the head. Okay, the several times K shot him in the head.

"Ouch, Shuichi. That's one serious bruise." Rick winced at the sight of him when he walked through the door.

"Wow, does it hurt a lot?" Kristen asked, poking at the immense bruise that had formed around Shuichi's forehead and left eye.

"Ow! Yes! What's up with you and your family poking at it?"

"Geez. You're bitchy when you're hurt," she huffed, causing Rick to burst out laughing.

Shuichi mustered up as much glare as he could at the moment, which wasn't very much, but that only caused Rick to laugh harder.

"I'm sorry Shuichi. I can't help it," he apologized, trying to get himself under control. "How about I make it up to you by taking you out to dinner tonight."

It was a date.

He was setting up a date that Shuichi himself had agreed to, but almost hoped would never actually come.

"I…" He paused for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"I know! Why doesn't Shuichi take us both out to dinner! We did carry you up all those stairs." Kristen suggested, so thankfully oblivious to what Rick was trying to do Shuichi wanted to hug her.

"Okay! We'll call it payback for everything you guys did for me last night." He latched onto the lifeline, hoping Rick wouldn't see what he was really doing.

Rick look surprised for a moment that his date had acquired a third wheel and no longer resembled a date, but he recovered quickly and actually looked enthusiastic about it.

Shuichi let at a sigh of relief, even as the guilt washed over him.

* * *

"I thought we were flying to China, then transferring to a direct flight to America."

"I got us on a direct flight to New York right from Tokyo. Faster this way." He led the way to the gate quickly, dragging a protesting Mizuki behind him.

"But you didn't tell me we switched flights!"

"Yeah, and you didn't tell me we were going to America so soon. You just showed up and started packing my stuff."

_Okay, point taken_, Mizuki relented, doing some quick calculations in her head. _So we have a more direct flight, but Hiro and Suguru have a head start. So they should still arrive a little before us. As long as they don't screw around, we should miss them. Hopefully._

* * *

Dinner was supposed to be Sushi, but plans changed quickly when Kristen started singing Sushi Shuichi, Sushi Shuichi (1). She had yet to rhyme pizza.

At first Shu felt awkward, knowing this was originally supposed to be his date with Rick, but Rick really didn't seem to mind that Kristen had come along, and the evening was soon written off as a simple dinner with friends.

But any dinner with Shuichi was not a simple dinner.

It was at the end, when bellies were satisfied and conversation easy, when Shuichi had finally let his guard down and started to relax, that he remembered something Kristen had started to say yesterday.

"Hey Kristen. What were you trying to say yesterday before I… fell? Something about the store finally getting recognition?"

"Oh yeah!" The response was an immediate bouncing in her seat, as if the information was building inside her and if she didn't release it soon and, knowing Kristen, loudly, she would simply explode with excitement. "You're going to love this! The bookstore's finally getting the recognition it deserves! Apparently this really famous Japanese author is translating his books into English, so he's doing some kind of promotional book signing."

"Well he can't be that famous. We're a really small store. I doubt anyone that big would bother- they'd hit all the big chains," Rick responded logically.

"But that's just the thing. I heard the owners talking about it, and they don't get it either. Apparently he's this _really_ famous romance novelist. Erie Yuhi or something."

"Yuki! Eiri Yuki?" Shuichi suddenly felt dizzy. This couldn't be happening. _This couldn't be happening!_

"Yes! That's it! Eiri Yuki!"

It was as if time stopped, the shock of it pulling him momentarily out of this world and into his own. Kristen kept talking but he could no longer hear her words.

_Yuki's coming here. Yuki's coming here._ He repeated the words, but couldn't quite believe them.

Unable to breathe properly, Shuichi did the only thing he could think of.

He panicked.

* * *

It was like she was watching a bomb. She'd heard the expression before, but had never truly appreciated it until now. It started slowly at first, the occasional shift in his seat as Yuki began to grow restless. Understandable, she supposed. It was a long flight and sitting down for extended periods of time tended to do that to a person. Still, she thought it odd. As a writer he sat still without problem for hours a day. That, and the plane hadn't even taken off yet.

Then came the silent mutters, words spoken only to himself, yet she could see his lips moving in quiet complaint. She thought those were the worst. You didn't know what he was planning but you knew he was planning something.

Next came shifty eyes. A quick glance at everyone but no one in particular. She risked a glance at her watch. It was still only halfway through the flight. She wasn't sure if he would make it.

That's when the baby started crying. Two rows in font and across the isle. Center seat. The shifty eyes became a glare as they narrowed to focus upon their newest victim. She shivered a little, in the seat next to his. The evil…

One minute.

The baby just wouldn't stop crying. She'd flown first class to avoid something like this, but there was nothing she could do about it now. Powerless to stop the inevitable explosion.

Two.

Despite it's mothers gestures of comfort the child cried on.

Three.

Four.

Twitching. His eye was _twitching_.

Five.

Six.

He snapped.

"Shut _up_! You," he growled at the mother. "How incompetent can you be? I don't care what you have to do just make it stop crying! And you!" His gaze shifted as it found it's next victim. "I don't care if your boyfriend cheated on you. I don't care he did it with your sister! It's very sad, but the _entire plane_ does not need to hear about it." He turned to the row behind them. "And as for _you_, your music, if one could call it that, is turned up so unnecessarily loud I can hear it _through_ your headphones." He paused, glaring again for good measure. "Does anyone have a problem with this?"

Silence.

"Good." He settled back down in his seat, but not before directing his glare at Mizuki, as if daring her to ay something.

She sighed; sometimes she really missed Shuichi.

* * *

"Shuichi? Shuichi are you okay?"

He could barley make out his friends concerned voices through the haze of panic. Okay? How could he be okay? He'd spent almost seven months running from his past, yet here it was, catching up with him.

"Shuichi, breathe."

"I'm calling my brother!"

Yuki.

He didn't remember being moved outside, but he must have been because the air around him was suddenly colder.

No. No! He'd been trying to let go; he'd been trying so hard. He had friends now and a new life. So maybe he still carried Yuki's book around with him, yet unread, but he really had been trying.

"Shuichi? Shuichi can you hear me?" A new voice. Vaguely familiar. Must be Kristen's brother.

Kristen's voice filtered through to him, laced with tears of worry. "What's wrong with him? We were talking and he just started crying and hyperventilating."

Crying? Was he crying? Was that moaning and sobbing coming from him?

"He seems to be having a panic attack. Shuichi, you need to listen to me okay. Everything's going to be fine, but you need to listen."

Fine? No, nothing was fine. He could barley control the memories, the emotions when Yuki was on the other side of the world- how would he survive just knowing he was on his way here? The tears grew worse, and he was having trouble breathing.

"Shuichi, can you hear me?"

He tried to focus on his surroundings, on his friends, but he was starting to feel dizzy.

"…To focus on my voice. We're going to try breathing together, okay?"

Breathe? Okay, he could try that, but it was much more difficult than he remembered it being.

"Breathe in. Okay, let it out now. Now let's breathe in again…"

He focused only on taking each breath- in, out, in, out- devoted all his thoughts to just breathing to keep them from straying to Yuki.

In. Out. In. Out.

Everything was coming back into focus, and he could see Kristen's brother in front of him, looking relieved.

"Welcome back Shuichi." Rick offered. "Care to tell us what that was about?"

To be continued…

* * *

Gah! That's so hard to type! I kept screwing up and writing Suchi Shuishi.

I also just set up my LiveJournal. It doesn't have much on it now, but keep checking and I'll post my stories there soon. Go to my profile page for the link.

Woot! Yuki's finally on his was to America and we're getting ready for the Confrontation! Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times and, as always, thank you for flying FF.N!

Oh, and PLEASE REVIEW!

chibi eyes


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